


Insomnia

by surefinewhatever23



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, CaBenson, Dreams and Nightmares, F/F, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:07:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26539333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/surefinewhatever23/pseuds/surefinewhatever23
Summary: Alex is anxious and can't sleep. It's 4am and somehow she finds herself at Olivia's apartment.
Relationships: Olivia Benson/Alexandra Cabot
Comments: 3
Kudos: 50





	Insomnia

Loud ringing pierces the air. The sun isn’t even up yet and Olivia is tempted to just not answer the phone. Years of habit makes her answer it anyway.

“Benson,” she answers the phone curtly. 

“Olivia. I’m sorry for waking you up but can I come over?” Alex’s voice is shaky. She hopes she doesn’t sound too desperate. 

Olivia, still half asleep, takes a couple of seconds to process the request. She immediately feels concerned for the blonde ADA. 

“Alex, are you okay? Do you need me to pick you up?”

The undertone of concern in Olivia’s voice is surprising. Alex realizes Olivia must think she is in danger. She bets that there are a thousand images flowing through Olivia’s mind in the moment. A dangerous side effect of their jobs.

“I’m already here, waiting by the elevator.” A flush covers Alex’s face and chest and she is thankful that Olivia is not here to see it. She realizes she just assumed that Olivia would say yes so she didn’t have any sort of backup plan.

Olivia is stunned but she blinks it off and decides that she can question Alex more about it once they are safely inside her apartment. She throws on some shorts that are on the floor by her bed and quickly looks around to see if there is anything else she needs to put away. She’s rarely in her apartment long enough to get it messy. 

Olivia sighs deeply. It’s the first night in a while that she isn’t on call and it’s surprising that she even managed to fall asleep in the first place. She also has the day off tomorrow so she was planning on sleeping in. Days like this have been few and far between, but Olivia can never turn off her protective instincts. Especially not when her friend is at her apartment at 4 am. 

As she leads Alex through her front door, she can’t help but feel a little guilty for her earlier frustration. It’s very clear that the ADA has something important on her mind. 

The dark room is a pleasant change from the fluorescent lighting in the hallway. Alex pinches the bridge of her nose as if it will make her headache go away. The throbbing is still there and she is not sure if it’s from the lack of sleep or something else.

The two women have been friends for about a year now. They started hanging out a couple of months after Alex was assigned to SVU. They haven’t spent much time together outside of work lunches or going out for drinks but they enjoy their time together. Drinks usually lead to Olivia walking Alex back to her apartment or vice versa.

Olivia places a gentle hand on Alex’s back, guiding her towards the couch. Her touch soothes Alex and she lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. Now that she’s here, Alex has doubts about her plan. She has only briefly spent time in Olivia’s apartment, never lingering more than twenty minutes. This feels like an intrusion of some type, like she’s taking advantage of Olivia’s empathy.

She’s dealt with anxiety for as long as she can remember, but the nightmares are new. Cold sweats, long nights, and shaking hands have become her new normal. She can block out everything when she is in the courtroom. Her fierce competitiveness and passion for justice forces those feelings to go away. But when she’s alone that mask comes off, leaving her exposed and vulnerable.

Something about Olivia calms her down, although she’s not sure why. Earlier this week she was on the verge of a panic attack, but somehow Olivia noticed and sat with Alex in an empty conference room. Words were spoken, but Alex couldn’t recall any details except for the way Olivia’s lips moved and how warm Olivia’s eyes were.

Olivia looks at her questioningly. She gently asks what is wrong and what she can do to help. Alex chokes back a sob when she recognizes the look Olivia is giving her. It’s the same one she uses while talking to victims. She doesn’t want the detective to think of her as a victim though. She doesn’t want to put that responsibility on Olivia. 

Alex tells Olivia about her insomnia and anxiety over the recent case. Even after taking melatonin and her anxiety medication, she couldn’t fall asleep. She was so tired and wanted nothing more than to relax. Her mind wouldn’t stop racing. She did everything she could think of: yoga, watching a boring TV show, reading a book, even reviewing cases.

The last one made her insomnia worse. They were currently working on a case where a man was stalking blonde women who lived alone. He would break into their apartment and rape them. Alex _knows_ that the rapist is locked up and that it is unlikely that someone could even get past the doorman, much less break into her penthouse suite. She still feels unsettled though. 

Alex is a bit shaken after recounting her night, but Olivia just sits there with her arms open and embraces the younger woman. Her arms are warm and strong. _How is she so good at listening?_

The first thing that she thinks is how she was correct that Olivia would know how to talk her down and reassure her. The second thought is much more selfish and certainly inappropriate. She relaxes into Olivia’s arms and closes her eyes. For a couple of seconds, she lets herself imagine what it would feel like to be Olivia’s. 

Alex started falling for Olivia after barely a month of working together. She tried her hardest to ignore her feelings. She wanted to make a good impression on the whole squad and she couldn’t do that if she alienated Olivia. 

So she kept her feelings to herself. Alex enjoys being friends with Olivia, but tonight she needs Olivia physically close to her in a way she hasn’t craved this much before. 

“Liv?” Alex says it so softly that Olivia holds her tighter. “Can I stay here tonight? I feel safe with you and I…” She trails off, not knowing what else to say. 

“Alex, are you sure you’re okay? Of course you can stay. Please take the bed and I’ll take the couch.” Olivia is glad that Alex reached out to her but she still isn’t sure why. 

Alex asks Olivia if she can sleep with her, saying that Olivia can take the bed and she can just sleep on the floor or in Olivia’s large armchair. Just somewhere that she can be close. Olivia sighs, genuinely wanting to help her friend but not wanting to spend the night on the couch. 

Olivia stands up and leads Alex to her bedroom. She pulls back the sheets and guides Alex to the left side of the bed. 

“Is this okay?” Olivia asks hesitantly. She’s too tired to analyze her thoughts but this feels so right. Alex just nods, once again at a loss of words.

Silence covers the room as the women lay there for a couple minutes. They’re both on their backs staring up at the ceiling even though they are side sleepers. Alex is aware of every inch between her and Olivia. She’s not going to lie and say that she never dreamed of sleeping in Olivia Benson’s bed, but her dreams certainly did not happen under these circumstances. 

Olivia clears her throat. “Alex, I can’t sleep like this. I need to sleep on my side but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” 

Alex doesn’t respond, she just turns over to face Olivia. She loves the way the shadows contour the detective's body. She really isn’t trying to take advantage of Olivia but she already feels a lot less anxious. 

“Alex, look at me.” 

The ADA is helpless to the request.

“Whatever you’re thinking, please talk to me.” 

“Can you hold me?” 

The question is innocent enough. Alex wonders if maybe this was the whole point of her visit. She honestly just came over in the attempt to try _something_ to help her fall asleep and it just felt right. She would have been fine with sleeping on the couch but this is much better. 

Olivia pulls Alex’s body closer to her and wraps her arms around tightly. The scent of Alex’s perfume is subtle but very pleasant. Maybe it’s her shampoo. Whatever it is, Olivia decides to fixate on that instead of how good it feels to hold Alex. The ADA fits so perfectly in her arms.

Liv wonders if Alex even knows she’s gay. And then she wonders if Alex would feel less comfortable with her doing this. She can feel Alex’s heart beating faster and ironically Alex is thinking the exact same thing. 

“So you’re really saying that you came into my apartment and woke me up at 4 am just to cuddle?” 

Alex stiffens. Even though she didn’t think of it that way, she can’t think of any other excuse. She has no real explanation. 

“Relax, Cabot, I’m joking,” Olivia holds Alex a little tighter as if to prove her point. 

\---------------

The next morning Alex wakes up at 9 and forgets where she is for a second. She was supposed to be up three hours ago and can’t believe she missed her trial. She groans and sits up. 

When she puts on her glasses she sees Olivia leaning against the doorway. Part of her wonders if last night was a dream, but the look of concern on Olivia’s face confirms it was not. 

“Good morning, Cabot. How did you sleep?” Olivia asks this as a formality because she knows that Alex slept soundly all night. When she woke up, Alex was spooning her, breathing softly on Olivia’s neck. 

She tried to stop herself from thinking that she could get used to the feeling of waking up in Alex’s arms. She failed until she decided to get out of bed. That too proved difficult because Alex looked so peaceful, truly beautiful. She can’t remember ever seeing the blonde that relaxed. 

“I slept well actually but I had court at 7. I can’t believe I forgot to set an alarm. I didn’t even get a call.” Alex inspects the nightstand, frantically looking for her phone. The only time she had ever missed work was when she was taken to the ER overnight. And even then she tried to come in the next day. 

Olivia walks over, holding up Alex’s phone. Alex left it in the living room the night before. If you could call 4 am “the night before”.

“Your phone kept ringing, and I almost woke you up. But then Cragen called me and let me know that the trial was canceled. The bastard got killed last night in Rikers. As much as I wish he got his day in court, he had it coming,” Olivia pauses. 

“I hope I didn’t cross a line, but I called the DA’s office and checked if you have any other cases today.” Olivia looks at the floor, suddenly nervous that she did, in fact, cross a line. “You don’t by the way. You have the next two days clear as well.”

Alex feels tears start to well up in her eyes. She can’t recall a time when she has felt so taken care of.  
“Why are you doing all this for me? I appreciate it so much, but why me?”

Olivia sits down on the bed next to her. She doesn’t know how to respond. She always thought Alex was attractive, but she forced herself to remain strictly platonic over the past year. She buried those feelings down so much so that she wouldn’t fall for the blonde. Deep enough that she _almost_ gave up entirely and was finally in a place where she could be around Alex in a completely platonic way.

But last night when she held Alex, those feelings came rushing back. They were intense, probably because they were repressed so long. 

“Liv, are you okay?”

Olivia realizes that it’s been a couple minutes since Alex asked the original question. 

“I care for you, Alex. A lot. I just-- you just looked so calm and at peace this morning that I couldn’t wake you up. I need you to know you’ll always be safe around me.”

Alex can no longer hold back her tears. She wraps Olivia in her arms, holding the detective tightly. 

“I love you,” Alex sobs out. “I love you so much.”

Olivia is surprised. She had no idea that Alex felt that strongly about her. She never even suspected that Alex was a lesbian. She’s flooded with emotions. Sitting here wrapped in Alex’s arms is suddenly overwhelming. 

She doesn’t even notice the tears falling down her cheek until she feels Alex softly stroking her hair and whispering comforting words. She forced herself not to think about Alex in a romantic way and she probably would have never said anything. _I would have missed out. ___

__They just sit there, no longer crying, just holding each other. Alex doesn’t quite know how Olivia feels about her, but she’s still here so that must count for something. She didn’t kick Alex out or leave the room._ _

__Olivia answers Alex’s unspoken question._ _

__“I love you too, you know. I always have.”_ _

__Saying the words out loud gives Olivia an inexplicable sense of relief. She’s almost shocked at how true the words are. Even if she wanted to pretend otherwise, there was a connection there that couldn’t be ignored anymore. She pulls back from Alex’s embrace and brushes a tear from her check. She places her hands on both sides of Alex’s face and kisses her._ _

__Alex can’t help but moan at the feeling of Olivia’s soft lips against hers. She grabs Olivia, pushes her on the bed, and climbs on top. Their kisses are frantic, hungry. The unbridled passion was almost palpable. Hands everywhere, exploring each other’s bodies._ _

__They don’t know how long they stay like that. Alex rolls off of Olivia, finally succumbing to her need to breathe._ _

__“Hey Alex,” Olivia pauses until the blonde looks over at her. “You can come over to cuddle anytime.”_ _

__Alex blushes but is intoxicated with the idea of there being an ‘anytime’._ _


End file.
